I am having suicidal thoughts today, so I decided to write something about it.

I just got my first show cause letter today. Nice.

I am tired of working my ass off for people that I barely knew professionally. And to handle all issues that is not related to my life. I am thinking deliberately to resign from this company. I am a mess.

But most importantly, I feel like taking my own life.

When you are not in control, you totally have qualms for everything you have to face. Uncertainty. Fear of being subjugated to all sorts of unimaginable repression.

Am I being selfish?

I am sick of all the troubles that has been affecting my personal life. I am tired of having to be answerable to all unfair and biased inquisition. I am tired of doing the same act all over again for the sake of pleasing the upper echelon in the company.

I feel like taking my own life.

What is the best way? Drowning? Hanging? Stabbing? Or suffocation? Can I stand the pain? Do I have the courage to draw my own blood?

Help me. Help me to end this miserable life.